What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
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