i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
