walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
