If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
