i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
