Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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