so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
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