I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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