Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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