I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize