Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
