ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
