What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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