and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
