Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Ketchup is God's man juice
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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