They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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