I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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