I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
