Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
