Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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