i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Are we still banned from the library?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
