Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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