btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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