Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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