I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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