During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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