I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
