Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
