You're completely useless in the revolution.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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