This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
