on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize