I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
