When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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