Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
