just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
