you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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