I think I am morally bankrupt
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
