Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize