K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
