Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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