There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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