Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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