youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize