So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
they call him Oral-B. enough said
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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