She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
