Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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