You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
