we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
