the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
