am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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