You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
