Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
What did we do last night that was yellow?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
