I want you more than these girls want KFC
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize
