its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
