JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
