no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
