I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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