'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
