considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
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