I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
