I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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