I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Randomize
