so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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