woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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