i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
