It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
