there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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