haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Do you still have your period?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
